we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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