I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
