So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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