$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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