2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
