Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
