I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
