I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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