I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
