everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
