were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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