she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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