So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize