brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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