my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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