Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
