Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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