I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you never un-have a 4some
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
