Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
there is glitter all over my balls
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
