Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
