I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
