We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
