i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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