dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
