Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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