i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
