I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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