I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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