The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
