Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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