I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
