Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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