Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
