She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
