just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
