You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
