I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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