were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize