Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
