He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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