my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
