Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
