she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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