I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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