so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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