i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
