my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
