That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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