ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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