see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
