Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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