Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
