Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
