Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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