like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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