and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
please come you make the beer taste better
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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