Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
