i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
