I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
