need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize