ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
