and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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