I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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