did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
