oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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