Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
