I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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