from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
