Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize