You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
