i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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